#Girls Play Clarinet, Too- thoughts from an 80's girl-mom
#Girls Play Clarinet, Too- thoughts from an 80's girl-mom
I have been reading all the posts circulating recently in the clarinet world about equality and inclusion, particularly for women. I would have commented on this earlier, but I have been busy tending the needs of my children while also learning all the notes I need to know for upcoming rehearsals and concerts. I wanted to devote time and thought to this.
As a woman clarinetist, as a mother, as someone who has IDENTIFIED AS CLARINETIST and powered through life clinging to a diet of air, water, food, and MUSIC for over 40 years, I do have something to say.
Yes, consistent with the high number of 5th grade girl beginning clarinet players, these girls grow up, and some persisted and are still here.
The proportion of young girl clarinet players to the assembly of boys/men that rise to the top to occupy the majority of positions of influence is not just a curious phenomenon. And it doesn't represent the reality that girls indeed play clarinet, too. Still. As we always have.
Over Forty years of
You can't
You shouldn't
You won't
Well, I did and I still do.
I have aspired to look past the mediocrity of others' condescension and patronizing discouragement. I still do, everyday. And I smile while I do it, because I know the weight I can carry, and that I can bear more than them. And not just metaphorically- I mean, I literally bore 5. How many humans have you had inside you, sharing your oxygen, your blood volume and rib-space, and your spirit, while rehearsing, recording, performing? And that was neither just the beginning nor the end.
Heaven forbid, we women musicians should be valid musicians.
Heaven forbid, even worse, that we should have children and prioritize them and raise them. And remain the musicians we were born to be and prioritize that, as we always have, because it is as vital for us as it is for you. Heaven forbid musicians who are mothers should succeed. Many would feel so much better about themselves if we didn't. If they could watch us fail.
I look to my children and students with thanks and praise in my heart that they can now speak their voices. There was a time when opening your mouth would shut doors. I am grateful to see a time where we can shout from the rooftops and demand to be treated fairly. That we can be listened to and not be spoken over. (We can, can't we?)
I've been blessed to have been supported by so many men along my "girl" clarinet journey, swimming against the current, bumping into their colleagues' elbows. These positive figures were (and are) like bubble wrap in an otherwise prickly labyrinth of "excuse me's" and "pardon me's", creepy snickers at my skirts, and "oh, nice to meet you MRS. -________, you're also a musician? How nice. But surely you're too busy for this job- shouldn't you get back to the kitchen? Don't your children need you?"
I would say you know who you are but its a pretty good bet you don't.
All those human cacti who somehow didn't notice my children in tow all along, armed with crayons and coloring books, accompanying me to coachings and rehearsals, concerts. Hoping to teach them to follow their dreams, and not to listen to those negative forces that would certainly try to hold them hostage in mediocrity, constantly searching for doors to close.
I never stopped looking for those open doors- for me every "no" has been a catalyst to keep on swimming upstream. I am not alone in this- I am in good company. I thought we had moved forward -But I look around me now and shudder to ask- Have we been swimming in circles this whole time?